


The Anniversary Date

by JayFeather2056



Category: Batman - All Media Types
Genre: F/F, Fluff and Humor, Getting Together, How Do I Tag, I Don't Even Know, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-09
Updated: 2018-09-09
Packaged: 2019-07-08 19:33:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,142
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15936842
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JayFeather2056/pseuds/JayFeather2056
Summary: In Arkham Asylum, Joker's in a weird mood, which draws the attention of his fellow Villians (who are not his friends, just convenant allies they swear) They figure out what's up, and wanting to escape Joker's famous wrath, they decide to help out.Batman is about to be dragged into this mess, and why is it his fault the deluded clown is in a non-existent relationship with him?





	The Anniversary Date

**Author's Note:**

> Lol this is one of my first ever fanfictions so please, have no mercy and tell me all the constructive criticisms you can muster. I know some of the characters are a little OOC, but what can you do? I also apologize for any and all grammar errors. I promise I went to school, I just suck at things in general.
> 
> Also I own nothing in the wonderful DCU, sadly. If I did, everyone would be gay together lmao.

Joker sat in a unusual, angry silence at the pale grey lunch table, which was stationed in the left corner near the arkham cafeteria doors. The odd mood and, quite frankly, scary expression on the clown’s usually (creepy) smiling face was warding off everyone, including the guards. Two-face even refused to get anywhere near that, sitting down at a different table, disrupting the hierarchy of claimed lunch tables. The ‘drug thugs’ (The normal boring inmates) as Harley called them, immediately got up and left as he sat down. 

The rest of the ‘batman loonies’ (as the other inmates called them) gradually joined Two-face in his avoidance of the frowning clown.

“The fuck is wrong with Joker?” Crane asked as he carelessly dropped his plate down on the table. The gross arkham food (food, that's what they call it, but he was pretty sure it was alien goo) was strangely adhesive, something everyone learned long ago, so he had no worries any of it would spill. God, he hated it here.

“Gee, I'm not sure. Why don't you go ask? We'll watch from safety as he stabs you in the eye with a Fa-poon.” penguin grumped, joining them. 

Harley furrowed her eyebrows as she sat down as well. “What's a Fa-poon?”

“A fork and a spoon. A Fa-poon.” Penguin raised a eyebrow.

“It's a spork, you dumbass. Not a… whatever your bitch ass said.” Two-face growled. “We hate you.” He said as an afterthought.

“Who do you hate, love?” Riddler asked Two-face, sitting down. Bane sat down too, across from Crane. The big man looked around for Poison Ivy.

“We hate everyone.”

“Sure. So, riddle me this; who is the clown, who has a frown, that needs to be turned upside down?”

“That was lame as hell Edward.” Penguin said.

“Shut your Fa-poon ass up, Oswald.” Two-face snarled.

“We were just talking about that.” Crane supplied impatiently, bringing the topic back on track. “Joker’s been like that all day.”

They all turned to see Joker angrily stab his ‘chicken nugget’. (Please Like anyone believed it was really chicken.)

“Maybe it's his time of the month.” Croc shook the table as he sat down. The chains on his feet rattled as he struggled to sit comfortably.

“I find that offensive.” Poison Ivy huffed as she joined Bane and Harley. “Hello, Harls, Bane darling.” 

“Of course you do, you're a woman.”

The glare Croc got was worth it.

The group continued to eat, as Freeze, Deadshot, and Catwoman sat down.

“Ok. Puddin is obviously in a bad mood. Did someone say somethin’ to em’?” Harley glared around at the table. 

“Nope. He just woke up like that.”

“Why don't you ask Harls? Maybe he won't dismember you.” Ivy asked, looking at her girlfriend. 

“Um… I'm gonna haveta say no. just...no. I like my face where it is.”

“He does look… horribly angry.” Freeze said. “Maybe it’s that guard who’s been harassing all of us.”

The whole table stared him down.

“I mean the one that harrasses us vigorously.”

When the stare down continued, he sighed. “I refuse to call him the childish name you insubordinates have given him.” 

After another moment of silence. Freeze sighed, “That... ‘banana tart looking mofo’” he said as if in anguish.

A course of mockish “awws” and “ohs” sounded as they all smirked at him. He flipped them off and grumbled something about genocide. 

“Nah it’s not him. He got suspended last week for beating shavez to death.”

“Pfft only suspended?” 

“Yep.” 

“Ok.” 

“ANYWHO back on track, if it wasn't a guard, namely bananatartlookingmofo, what else could it be. One of the Drug thugs?” 

“No, honestly I don't think it was a person who pissed him off? I mean, regardless of guard or inmate, if Joker was that pissed, they’d be dead.” Selina supplied. 

“That actually makes sense. Good thinking for a kitty.” Penguin winked at her. She hissed at him. 

Deadshot coughed from the corner of the table, farthest away from them. Ignoring them seemed to be his go to move.

“Regardless, why do we care anyways? The guy is crazier than all us put together.” Croc asked, frowning as he tried to bite into his ‘fish’.

“A happy Joker means less chance of immediate death.” Catwoman said, still sending a deathly glare towards penguin.

“True, true…”

“Well, how can we cheer him up?”

“Um...How does one cheer up a mad clown?”

“Why would I Know!”

“You’re right, why would I think you know anything?”

“Well you were looking directly at me.”

“Hey guys don't start a fight, damnit.”

“Don't tell me what to do”

“Can we focus on the situation at hand please?”

“Oh be silent would you, bird?”

“It’s DR. Crane, don't call me bird.”

“OK GUYS,” Harley shouted over the arguing criminals, “SHUT IT.” 

She glared until they all looked at her. “We haveta take this seriously!”

They looked around at each other before continuing their fights.

“Oh, goddammit!”

….

On the other side of the cafeteria, Joker was seething. Today was…

Today was supposed to be...

S P E C I A L.

And he was here. Alone. And it was all the Bat’s doing. ALL HIS DOING AND HE KNEW!

Joker flung his fork across the table, and finally looked up from his dismembered meal. The table was empty. 

Joker frowned and looked around for his friends. He grew momentarily confused when he couldn't find them, but seeing the awkward group of inmates standing by a wall with their trays of food tipped him off that they had stolen someone’s table. He growled when he spotted them. 

Fine. Fuck them.

Joker sighed and closed his eyes, feeling depressed. 

Him depressed. 

That was a bad thing, even he knew that. He wasn't his nicest and most cheerful self when he got this way. 

And it was Batman.

The fucking Batman. 

Joker felt his heart swell up as well as deflate at the thought of his…

Obsession... the doctors here called it. Shows what they know. 

Hopelessly infatuated to the point of no return is what he deemed it. 

Batman batman batman batman! Haha. 

What a guy. 

He shook his head violently and remembered he was supposed to seeth. 

What a DOUCHE. 

FUCKING LOCK HIM UP IN ARKHAM A WEEK BEFORE THEIR 10 YEAR ANNIVERSARY. FUCK.

Nononono. 

NO. 

He could deal with this. He could…

Cry in agony and sorrow. Rue the day he met that…Perfect man. Those eyes! That pent up anger! Those fist. 

Joker melted just thinking about how-

HE FUCKING RUINED 10 YEARS WORTH OF JOKER’S PLANNING. THAT BATFUCK!

DID HE NOT…remember? 

Joker deflated. 

No, he reasoned to himself, He should. They celebrated it every year.

The week before each anniversary Joker would up his ante and have a week long event thing going on, just to lead into the special night. Batman was a smart guy, no way could he forget.

God he was so smart, it was unreal how smart the Bat was. Joker loved watching his batsy work out the puzzles he left him and-

Joker snapped out of his day dreaming and scowled. 

The whole fucking media knew about It, practically everyone in Gotham knew. It was the same week every year! Batman should remember it just perfectly. Everyone else did.

EVERY YEAR. 

He thought- batman was supposed to be-

He did it all for the vigilante, and THIS IS HOW HE’S REPAID?

FINE.

Joker would just not put any effort in this year. Batman never appreciated it anyways!

He always ended up arresting Joker or ruining his plans. 

Last year he even stopped it before Joker could set the fireworks off!

Clearly he had no regard for Joker and how much effort he put in it. 

It was almost like he didn't care about their relationship at all! He just cared about fucking Gotham city and it's people.

Joker sulked. After 10 years, he still didn't mean anything to the batman. 

He tried so hard too!

Maybe he should just fucking give up all together…

Batman would probably be happy if he did.

...

Back across the cafeteria people ducked away from the lunatics as the shouting match raged on, dodging flying foods and... somebody's thrown shoe...wtf? 

The guards just watched on in mild interest.

….

“I'm NOT SAYING THAT!”

“YES YOU ARE.”

“I JUST MERELY STATED THE FACT THAT I'M BETTER THAN YOU!”

“NAME A TIME AND A PLACE DIPSHIT.”

“Whoa! Can everybody please calm down.”

The whole table descended into a awkward silence. 

“Finally!” Crane said, throwing his hands up in the air. “Now, before Croc and Bane interrupted me, I was asking what day it is? More importantly, what week?”

“Who knows. Nobody keeps track in here, it's Arkham. What's the point?” Poison Ivy answered after no one else did. 

“I think I figured it out.” He said, folding his hands together. Every year Joker and Batman would have a week long battle, leading up to the day Joker deemed their “anniversary”, that deluded clown. It was a week of terror where everyone stayed off the streets in fear of becoming Joker’s victim. The clown would blow up buildings, murder and kidnap people, release toxins, basically destroy everything in his path as a show of “love” for the batman. 

As crazy as it was, in Joker’s mind, there was nothing wrong with it. In fact, he said it was a celebration for their love, and it got bigger every year.

Crane sighed. If only the clown knew how crazy he was. 

He was obsessed with the Batman. Though he called it love.

Batman didn't return those feelings in the slightest, duh not surprising.

Anyways, point was, Joker was stuck in here and that almost never happened. The Batman really went all out to insure the clown stay in here. He probably didn't even notice he captured the clown a week and a half before their supposed "anniversary". Not that Crane blamed him. Joker was the only one ACTUALLY in their relationship after all.

Yes, he concluded, that had to be it. It was their anniversary.

Time to share with the class, stupid as they may be. "Ahem, you guys, Joker is very... emotional, when it comes to someBATthings if you understand my meaning. In fact, he was the first costumed villain who opposed batman almost...what, 6, 7 years ago?"

Harley scowled and rolled her eyes at his apparent wrongness. "NO, it'll be 10 years on the 21-"

They all paused as realization struck them simultaneously. 

"Oh THAT BAT SHIT. HOW DARE HE DO THAT TO PUDDIN'. AFTER ALL THE THINGS MISTAH J' S DONE FOR HIM HE LOCKS HIM UP IN ARKHAM FOR THEIR 10 YEAR ANNIVERSARY?!"

"Could you scream it louder? There's a guy on the 8th floor in a coma who didn't get that."

"Shut it, Nygma! We, we have to do something!”

When no one agreed Harley stood up abruptly, causing he tray of food to go flying, she slammed her hands on the table and glowered at them. “What happened to villianhood, huh? Joker’s our friend and we have to help him!”

“Making a lot of assumptions there. We’re not Joker’s friend.” Two-face spoke, raising his chin in challenge.

“Didn't we just establish, that a happy Joker means longer life? Come on, Harley’s right we should help him. I'd rather have Joker as an ally rather than an enemy.”

“Pfft, Joker’s not a threat to us. We could care less.” 

“Stop fronting Face. Joker’s a threat to everybody, even you.”

“We still don't care.”

“Whatever, how are we supposed to ‘help’ anyways? We can't cheer him up.”

“Oh yes we can!” Harley smirked. “I have a plan.”

“Oh really, care to share it?” 

“Spare us the dramatic pauses, babe.” Ivy asked.

Harley rolled her eyes, “No appreciation for theatricality I swear. Well, here goes.”

She took in a deep breath and straighted her posture causing Selina to roll her eyes and Croc to bang his head on the table. “We’re gonna bust Joker outta here, catch the Batman, and throw them a Anniversary Par-tay!”

The reaction was immediate and they all spoke at once.

“FUCK that!”

“Catch Batman? Yeah sure, let me just pull a fucking Lamborghini out of my ass first.”

“How in the hell-”

“We all can't bust outta here, not unless you have some fucking magical powers that lets 10 or so criminals just walk out all willy nilly!”

“That's a fucking stupid idea, babe. No offense.”

“I'm not decorating.”

“GOD DAMN! SHIT! We can hash out the details later, I was just fucking putting it out there.” Harley yelled over them. 

They all started fighting once again, and Deadshot watched from the end of the table, a look of distaste on his face..

He couldn't wait to see how this whole thing turned out.

**Author's Note:**

> Well there's chapter one of this shitshow :) Hopefully someone out there likes my brand of humor. If not, I guess I'll continue wrighting the story regardless.


End file.
